Commitment-phobia Is The New Orange, & Orange Is The New Black (Or White, Or Light)

My bedroom was a reflection of what I was experiencing on the inside.

Unpacked boxes, unfolded clothes, unplaced toiletries – the only organized area of my room was the bed I habitually and proudly made every day, and the nightstand on the right side of my bed, because that was where I kept my Moldavite, Oracle Cards, and my “Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” and “Oneness” books. Yes, you can be spiritual as f*ck, and not have your shit completely together – forget what you heard. I was like the guy who shows up to the party but doesn’t take his shoes or jacket off, because he’s not sure whether he’s coming or going – yup, that guy. Uno problemo… This was my life, and when Reno shows up to a party, he takes off his shoes, his jacket, and sometimes his pants – yes, I referred to myself in 3rd person, and yes I admit to occasionally taking my pants off at parties. #NoPantsDanceParty

I’ve learned – in my twenty-something years on this planet – that one small change can make a world of difference, how we do one thing is how we do everything, and that our outside world is a reflection of what’s happening on the inside, so I took the essentials out of the boxes, tidied my space, packed the rest away, and began the process of embracing the present moment. Sure, I might be leaving, but for now I was here. You’re probably wondering what any of this has to do with fear of commitment, or maybe you’re thinking that my resistance to unpacking my boxes was a fear of committing to being home from Bali (could be true, just hit me as I write this), and I’m totally getting to it.

Dude and I are having this powerful conversation about “light”. My NUMERO UNO core desired feeling is without a doubt light – love it, live it, spread it, feel it, and if it ain’t light, it probably ain’t right. I’m talking radiant, weightless, energetic, powerful, fiery, nourishing, vitamin-fucking-D-elicious light. I wanna float through life like a sun beam, feeding and energizing everyone I come into contact with. I wanna shine so bright I stop traffic. Again, what does this have to do with fear of commitment… Breathe, I’m getting to it.

So we’re talking about light, and dude shares some profound wisdom with me, and *click* *ding* *BOOM* – a shift, an insight, a miracle. Here I am, all radiant and shit, talkin’ ’bout how if it ain’t light, it ain’t right, meanwhile I’m packing on the weight, dimming the shine, killing the energy, smothering the fire. Heavy thoughts, heavy feelings, heavy decisions, heavy life – all of my doing. I had convinced myself that the weight of the world was sexy, and a necessary pre-requisite to “Life 101”. It became quickly and blatantly obvious that my light was actually heavy as hell, and for some reason I had completely missed it – that’s the funny thing about competing commitments. On the one hand I’m steady screamin’ “TEAM LIGHT” from the bleachers, and on the other hand I’ve got these voices of childhood and adolescence past – mostly the male figures in my life, who will respectively remain unnamed – telling me that living light is just not the way things are done, and that hard work and blood and sweat and scars are a symbol of success and manhood. Booourns. #ByeFelicia

The voices – old, washed up, and so not true. What’s true, in this moment, is that I’m committed to living in alignment with my core values, my core desired feelings, and the truths that feel oh-so-truthful to yours truly – ME.

Then it hits me. DUUUUUDE! What if commitment phobia isn’t necessarily a bad thing!? WHAT IF commitment phobia isn’t even commitment phobia!? WHAT IF commitment phobia is just another way of articulating a desire for fluidity and flow and freedom and light!? What if “society” has it all wrong and commitment phobia has been wrongfully accused? AAAAAND! WHAT IF all they’re really saying is that they wanna feel light, and all we have to do is honor that ish – let ’em have options and choices and all that free-feeling goodness – and in giving them what they desire, we get what we desire… Didn’t Deepak mention something about this in one of his powerful books… Seek to understand to be understood; give what you want and you’ll attract what you desire.

They – “they” being the commitment-phobes – will eventually come around, because they value integrity, and if they don’t, then you’re probably gonna wanna reevaluate beloved. #JustSaying

Commitment-phobes, consider yourself free to feel freerespectfully so of course. And seriously, try messing with the sun and see if you don’t get burned. You gotta work WITH the light.

Let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine.
With Love, Light, & Liberation,

A “commitment-phobe” – or whatever you wanna call me.  #ItJustGotReno

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Permission – Why You’re Waiting For It, Where To Find It, & Why You Don’t F*cking Need It

Credit: Unsplash
Credit: Unsplash

 

“Permission”

I remember hearing that word throughout my childhood and youth. Kinda makes me cringe…

I was on the phone with my mom one afternoon when she told me how exhausted she was, and that she felt tired and overwhelmed with all that she had to do, but all she wanted was to sleep. I asked her why she didn’t put everything aside and get some rest, and then I assured her there was no harm in doing so, and helped her justify that fact, to which she replied “Isn’t it funny that I had to call my son and get his permission to take a nap.” Funny, sure, but the truth is that not just my mother, but many of us, are waiting for someone to give us permission to do what we already know we’re capable of doing.

Permission…

It feels heavy, but that probably has less to do with the word and more to do with the fact that permission slips were the bane of my existence; it meant we’d be frantically scurrying till the last minute to find the dough so I could join the other kids, but my parents always came through. Not to mention, I’ve always kinda had an issue with authority; “why” was my favorite word, and I frequently deemed it necessary to practice my right to “why”, and to challenge the norm. Many school days were spent in the hallway, day dreaming as the judging eyes passed the self-proclaimed rebel with a cause. But, I digress.

It seems we’re all kinda standing around, waiting for the next motivational message to feed the fire in our belly and potentially set us free – finally. We’re waiting for the right moment. We’re waiting for assurance. We’re waiting for a push from a parent or a friend. We’re waiting a book to fall off a shelf. We’re waiting for an omen, or a sign. We’re waiting for the perfect sentence, crafted in the perfect way, from the mind of that perfect person. But, what if the person you’re waiting on to liberate you isn’t who you think it is? What if you’re the person you’re waiting for. “But why would I be waiting for me?” BINGO! My thoughts exactly.

It’s liberation you crave, not permission. You’ve been duped, and it all started the moment you were told you were to be seen and not heard. The moment you were told to raise your hand if you had a question or a potently-powerful truth you wished to express. The moment you had to ask to use the restroom. The moment you required permission to cross the road. The moment you required permission to stay home and heal. These are the moments that cultivated and nourished your perceived need for permission. Kinda fucked up, isn’t it? Agreed.

So what do we do about it!?

Your inner child is waiting for you; waiting to be set free.

Permission – the duct tape and rope that bind your inner child; a self-induced and unnecessary grounding.

Consider this your permission slip – your call to action.

The coast is clear.

The permission is yours to give yourself. Blow a goodbye kiss to the teachers, parents, authorities telling you what to do or wear or say – it’s YOUR life. Respectfully so.

That blog you’ve been waiting for someone to give you permission to create. PRESTO! Permission granted!

That book or blog post you’ve been waiting for permission to write. That trip you’ve been waiting for permission to take. That dead-end job you’ve been waiting for permission to quit. The energy-sucking friend or partner you’ve been waiting for permission to kick to the curb. That business idea you’ve been waiting for permission to put into action. That dream job you’ve been waiting for permission to apply for. That “ME” day you’ve been dying for permission to have. The truth and the message you’ve been waiting for permission to speak, and share, and express. Whatever it is, just do it, and do it with PASSION baby!

In life, more often than not, we regret the things we didn’t do more than the things we did do. From here on in, every morning when you wake up, I want you to say to yourself “I give myself permission to want what I want, feel what I feel, and do what I do, as long as it is serves me, and may allow me to serve others.” You might not mean it right away, but eventually you will begin to believe what you are saying, and you will start to embody such truths. Practice this every day for the next 21 days, and watch your world change right before your eyes.

The silver lining. When you give yourself permission, people around you love that shit, and when they’re watching you, they follow suit. That makes you a leader! The leader you were waiting on to hand you the permission slip you didn’t need. Kinda cool eh!?

The days of permission and permission slips are long gone. Last time I checked, you paid your bills, you had your own cell phone, your own home, and your own bank account. You’re a big kid now.

It’s time soul sibling. Set ‘er free! Let ‘er rip and roar and soar!

 

Need some help getting started!? Head over to my “Work With Me” page, connect with me via email, and we’ll setup a Skype call.

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With Love, Light, & Liberation,

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