F.O.M.O. – Fear Of Missing Out & The BS We Tell Ourselves

Credit: Unsplash
Credit: Unsplash

“A taste of something sweet is always sweetest when it’s savoured.

A taste of many things is wasted if you can’t enjoy each flavour.” – Reno


It’s eating away at you.

“What if?”

Would’a, could’a, should’a

Might be

Could be

Would be

You give in.

It feels good…

and then it doesn’t.

It’s eating away at you.

“I could be here, but maybe I should be there.”

“I could be doing this, but instead I’ve chosen this.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have, but it felt good at the time.”

“Why do I keep doing this to myself?”

“It’s always the same.”

“Ugh.”

Guess what!?

There will be another party,

This is not the last good time.

Your true friends will all forgive you.

Everything will be just fine.

The men and women will keep coming,

And you’ll continue to burn and turn.

If you don’t enjoy what’s present,

Embrace the burn and prepare to learn.

The self-development workshops are many.

The networking events won’t quit.

The good times will always roll.

Quit believing your bullshit.

Cherish the moment, for it’s gone before you know it.

Take. It. Back. – Boundaries, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, and How To Set ‘Em & Get ‘Em

On The Other Side

 

I have this friend – we’ll call him John – and John struggles with boundaries. John’s favourite lines are “it’s all good”, “no worries”, and “it’s not an issue”. John’s the kinda guy who has chosen to accept the short end of the stick for a good portion of his young-adulthood/adulthood, and has suffered for it as a result – low/no-paying gigs, unpaid intern ships from hell, manipulative relationships, lacking or non-existent boundaries, etc.

To be clear, John isn’t a victim, John is a creator. You see, John has set the standard for his life, and by not respecting what he desires and requires, John has created a less-than-desired-and-required lifestyle for himself – he knows this.

You’re probably thinking “But how is this his fault, John has simply been screwed too many times,” and you’re right, but it’s important to recognize that John made the decision to accept the low/no-paying gigs, the unpaid internships from hell, the manipulative relationships, and the limitless boundaries, therefore; John has set the standard for what he desires and requires, and his environment reflects that.

Boundaries are a must, and, if ignored, a life of dissatisfaction will likely be the result. Set those boundaries John – set ’em strong, set ’em straight, set ’em clear, and watch satisfaction and respect pour into your life like a tropical monsoon.

You see, boundaries act as a sort of fence which we are to place around our open hearts. In order for you to create strong boundaries, you must create clarity around what it is that you believe you deserve, what it is you believe you are worthy of, and the non-negotiable things that you will invite onto the other side of that fence; the stronger and more clear your beliefs around what you deserve and what you are worthy of are, the stronger your fence. The more clear you are about the things you will not invite onto the other side of that fence, the easier it will be to see them coming, and turn them away: “No thank you; return to sender.”

Respect is earned. Some believe that fear equates to respect, but I believe that respect is earned and born as a result of  love, trust, and wisdom; if you embody these attributes, you will receive deep admiration. The way to achieve respect is to practice love, share wisdom, and build trust with those you come in contact with. Listen, engage, connect, contribute, and serve; these are some of the easiest ways to earn respect from those around you.

Now for the fun part! A practice for defining your boundaries and inviting respect.

Start by creating a “I Am Worthy Of/I Deserve List”, take a deep breath, connect with your inner child, and love it by writing a list of all the things it is worthy of (love, respect, clean drinking water, food, clothing, happiness, abundance, etc).  Then, below that list, create a “Return To Sender” list, and write down all of the non-negotiable things you will not invite or accept in your life. Finally, take that list and put it somewhere where you can see it regularly and refer to it. Eventually, this list will become a part of your daily practice, and you may find that you need it less and less.

Feels good when it’s in writing doesn’t it!?

If this has served you in some way, and/or you feel you know someone who it would help on their journey, I invite you to share it with them – they’ll thank you for it.

 

With Candour, Truth, and Love,

Why It’s Cool To Be A Kid – How To Escape Conformity & Have More Fun

Grown Up

 

To be grown-up, or be a grown-up or an adult; what does it mean? Think about that for a moment…

Remember when you were a kid and you used to play house or grown-up, which was ironically close to the real thing (arguments over what to name the baby, whether to get a dog or a cat, who would work and who would stay home, what would be prepared for dinner, etc), minus all of the prolonged stress. The only difference is, when you were a kid, you could just stop playing grown-up and go back to being a kid again.

If only life were like that… Guess what. I’ve learned that it sorta is.

See, being a grown-up/adult definitely has its perks, but it seems to come with a lot of unwanted BS – I wanted to say uninvited, but let’s be honest; we may not want the BS, but we totally invite that sh*t in for tea and toast. But I digress.

When you were a kid, you did much of what you wanted, and little of what you didn’t want (unless you were commanded to do so). When you were a kid, it was all about imagination, fun, creativity, connection, happiness, experience, and play. When you were a kid you created your world. A stick was a magic wand, and a jungle-gym was a spaceship that could transport you to the moon, or back in time to the prehistoric era. Snow hills were mountains, and you were ready to conquer them. You didn’t watch the clock, you came in when it got dark out. You didn’t text your friends to hang, you went and knocked on their damn door. If you weren’t into it, you let it fall to the wayside. You spoke and lived your untainted and untethered truth, and it got you into trouble sometimes. Nevertheless, the world was your oyster.

When did you stop playing? Why did you stop having fun? When did you become so unhappy?

The only difference between then and now is the reality you’ve chosen to project onto your surroundings, the lifestyle you’ve created for yourself, and the stories you’ve continued to tell yourself in order to keep you from LIVING. It’s not entirely your fault.

It’s my belief that we enter this world innocent, perfectly-imperfect, and whole. Upon our grand entrance we begin the human conditioning process, and it’s all kind of a blur from there. But, if you’re lucky enough to be one of the individuals who develops an awareness, a mindfulness, and a consciousness, somewhere along the way you begin to wake up; you’re suddenly called to “stop and smell the flowers”, and do more of the cool sh*t that fills you to the point where your cup spilleth over and you begin to inspire others. Sounds like a bunch of psycho bibble-babble, but all it means is that you stop living under the tyranny of people pleasing and of your thoughts – fear and worry and resistance – and start living in the present moment. It means you respectfully say f*ck it to what happened in the past, you stay open to what may happen in the future, but you exist in the now, and you simply BE and DO YOU. Pretty cool eh!?

What does this have to do with being a big kid!?

That child-like sense of freedom and zest for life, love, experience, happiness, and truth hasn’t left you, it’s just been in a deep slumber, waiting for you to wake it up. You’ll hear it speak to you from time to time – sometimes in whispers, other times in shouts – but you’re not always in a place to acknowledge, honour, and receive it, so it goes back to being quiet again – sleeping. It’ll show itself in those moments where you feel most alive; where you’re totally yourself; where you lose track of time and you’re in the zone. For some it may be cooking, swimming, or writing. For others it may be spending time in nature, gardening, or making music. I challenge you to be conscious of those moments and what you’re feeling and what’s happening around you. That’s your sweet spot.

So kiddo! What’ll it be!?

You ready to wake up, start living, and do more of what lights you up and less of what doesn’t? You ready to speak and live your truth, no matter how uncomfortable and scary it may seem? You ready to stop lying to yourself and move beyond the many limiting stories and beliefs your mind would have you fall for?

Start by asking yourself this question: “What do you really want?” I challenge you to spend some time with that question and then share your answers in the comments below. There’s no stupid or wrong answer; go deep and honour yourself by really showing up while you search for your truth. This is the first step outside of your comfort zone and into living the kind of life you were put on this Earth to live.

 

With Love, Light, and Authenticity,